Moderen Hunchback of notre dame
by Pinkky127
Summary: Basicly what the title says. Clopin and Esmeralda are cousins and Esmeralda comes to Clopin with boy touble about a cop she met named Phoebus. you can imagine how much clopin liked that. Rated T for a reason. Rate and review :
1. Chapter 1

_Hey guys! This is my first fan fiction, it's kind of bad but whatever I like it. It's Clopin and Esmeralda, as cousins in modern times. Ok so it's in Clopin's point of view, and the French is in italics. I have translations at the bottom. Sorry if my French isn't too good, I used Google translate. This is meant to be a one shot but I might continue, depending on the reviews. Ok so from what I've read things like this tend to get people pretty fired up. I don't mean to offend anyone at all. And I think that's it. So yeah tell me what you think and if you think I should continue the story or not. _

_XOXOXO—pinkky_

_NOTE—rated T for a reason—drugs and suggestive content_

_DISCLAIMER- no I do not own Esmeralda or Clopin… _

Clopin Trouillefou was a man with simple needs. As long as he had a roof over his head, food to eat, clothes to wear, and a woman waiting by the phone for his call that would most likely never come, he was happy. He lay there, on his back, thinking of this. Earlier this morning, he had stumbled in roughly about 3:00 am, drunk of course, and still grinning with the satisfaction of a one night stand. Now at about 10:00am, he lay in his bed trying to remember the girl's name. Was it Molly? No, Melissa, or Monica. Defiantly something with an M. he pondered this for about 15 minutes until finally giving up. 'Ah well,' he thought to himself, 'at least I didn't give her my phone number.' He smirked stupidly thinking of his cleverness. He had always hated when he gave a one night stand his phone number, and then later having to explain that a _one_ night stand only lasted one night. His thoughts were interrupted by a loud rapping on the door. Lazily he walked across the apartment from the tiny room he called his bed room to the door, which was not a long walk. Clopin lived in what he, and everyone else that had eyes, called a 'shit hole', which had never bothered him too much. He grew up in a place much like the one where he lived now, dark, vandalized, and not the side of town where you see happy suburban families. In his teenage years, Clopin thought he could be a gangster, even forming a gang with his friends. They called themselves, the miracle workers. They hadn't been very gangly at all though, more like a band, walking the streets after dark and doing street performances to earn a buck or two. It had been enough. The miracle workers were now strictly street performers, playing live music, performing acrobatics or magic show, whatever they could to earn a little more money on the side. One could blame womanizing ways on his messy history. His father had walked out when he was only 12, his mother had resorted to alcohol, and his sister responded by getting pregnant at 15. But he couldn't complain, almost everyone he knew had a past as screwy as his. As Clopin walked towards the door at a pace so slow, an old man with a walker would have appeared to be a race car next to, the rapping got louder. "Clopin! I know you're home! Anne told me on my way in!" A woman's voice called obviously irritated. Clopin groaned recognizing the voice, but immediately quickened the pace. He opened the door to reveal a beautiful young woman with copper skin, raven black curly hair, and a pair of large emerald eyes. Esmeralda. "Esme why are you here?" He sighed leaning against the door frame. She grimaced as she looked at him up and down. He stood up straight, 6'1" with lean muscle wearing nothing but a purple tee-shirt and boxers. His chin length black hair was a mess and he smelled of booze. "Good morning sunshine" she grumbled as she ducked into his messy apartment dragging her goat, Djali, behind her. "Esme?" he said again. "I just wanted to say hello to my favorite cousin." She smiled sweetly shrugging. He scoffed slightly and closed the door to join her on the couch were she was perched. _"Mon Cherie,_" He smiled at her fakeness, "care to tell me why you're really here?" Though it was not always convenient for her, Clopin knew his little cousin well, possibly better than anyone else, which was how he knew that she had come for a reason. "Well, _Mon Ami_" she addressed him in French as he had addressed her. They were both fluent in the langue, having her father, his sister and his sister's husband, Clopin's mother and father, coming straight from France. Clopin actually had to thank his father for his fluency. He remembered all those nights where he and his sister had stayed up and listened to their parents fight in French. Esmeralda folded her hands on her lap and looked down embarrassed "I need some advice." "_Je vois._" Clopin smiled leaning back. Esmeralda always came to him when she had boy trouble and he loved it. That way he could dictate who little Esme dated and who she kicked to the curb. After all who knew better than an older cousin, _Non?_ "Who is it this time? Peter? Eric? Tom? Harry? Freddie? Will?" Clopin said listing the names of all the men Esmeralda had talked about in the past. He found it exceedingly funny how he remembered every boy Esmeralda has ever dated or like, and he cannot remember the name of the girl that he had been with only yesterday. She shook her head. "_Non._ Someone new."Secretly he hoped that she would wake up and date one of Clopin's friends, one of the miracle workers. Though they were all around the same age as Clopin, about 6 or 7 years older than her, he trusted them with her. He knew that they would treat her right, not pressure her to do anything, be faithful, and never purposely inflict heart ache upon their _petite fille. _John, one of Clopin's closest friends had been showing a little bit of interest, and it would have thrilled him if this was who Esmeralda wanted to talk about. "Go on, _plus Cher_" Clopin said gleefully, being fully awake now. " well, I was at convenience store, you know, Pierre's, I was going to pick up some ice cream because Marie was coming over later to watch a movie-" " Esme, you're ranting. Get to the point." Clopin said bluntly, suddenly finding himself wishing he had a beer. "Oh. Well I met someone. His name is Phoebus." She gushed. "Phoebus" Clopin mumbled. It didn't sound familiar. "We talked for an hour outside the store. He's great. And he asked me out." She grinned leaning back on the couch. "_Fantastique_! If he's so _merveilleux,_ I must meet him!" Clopin beamed. "No!" Esmeralda practically shouted. "_Non_ Clopin. He's… you and him… I don't think… I don't think you'll like him." She said stammered sheepishly. "Nonsense, _Ma Cher,_ I like everyone." He said smirking. " well, clo…the thing is… _Le probleme est_… he's a… he's a cop." She stumbled over her words. He stared at her in shock. " I told you, you wouldn't like him." She laughed a fake and nervous laugh. "and you wanted my permission to say yes? _Oui?_" he spoke quietly and slowly, still in shock. "no, not your permission, I don't need your permission, I'm 20 fucking years old, I don't need your permission." She protested "I wanted your… _oui._ Your permission." She hung her head down in defeat. "No." Clopin said crisply looking her straight in the eye. "No you cannot go out with a cop. Esmeralda, I don't know if you've noticed but you are Romani. You live on the west side of town. you do not tango with the law man." "But-" "I said no. you asked my permission." Clopin was usually calm. Usually he had a temper like a bull, and the fact that his favorite little cousin liked a cop should have sent him into a rage, but he was so unusually calm. So calm in fact, even he noticed. He concluded that his drunkenness must have not worn off since last night, Esme had always said that he became a little Buddha when he was drunk. " you don't understand. Phoebus is different." She whined as if she were 8 years old. "Different?" this cause Clopin to laugh out loud. " Different? How can he be different? He's a cop! How would you like your little friend Phoebus to find out about those times where you snuck out back to smoke pot with Louie?" After saying this Clopin regretted it. He saw the anger swell in Esmeralda who was clenching her fists. " You're just worried about yourself. How would you like my future boyfriend to find out that a handful of your friends, you're little miracle workers, they sell drugs on the side? How would you like him to find out that you've bought from Louie a couple times?" She Shouted. This should have intimidated Clopin, but it didn't. " How would _you_ like him to find out that _you've _bought from Louie, but you didn't pay him with money." Esmeralda blushed, embarrassed, she had hoped he didn't remember that. " _Mon Cherie, _" he cooed softly now in French. " you know it's better for all of us if you stay away from this _Phoebus_." " _Non, Je refuse_." "Esmeralda." He growled." If you only were to meet him." She sighed. Clopin rolled his eyes. This was not a battle he was going to win, even if it was important. "Fine. You can go." He grumbled. "_Bien!_" She cried. "but I will come with you on this date." "_Pour quoi?_" She whined. "because I know what's best. And I have an excellent judge of character. And it's either that or you're not going." Clopin said pompously. She groaned. During this whole argument, the goat Djali had been munching away on some paper napkins that had been dropped on the floor. Clopin glanced at her and disregarded it. "Now what does one wear to ruin a cop's date by being the 3rd wheel?" He smiled devilishly and stroked his goatee in a thoughtful manner. Esmeralda stood up promptly and grabbed the leash of Djali. " it's at that little coffee shop down town, the one with the yellow umbrellas, at 1:00 pm. That's in two hours. If you are coming, don't be late. Wear something… not embarrassing." She said on her way out the door. Clopin closed the door behind her. This cop was going to wish he had never met the pretty girl with the devil as a cousin. He picked up his cell phone and punched in some numbers. "hey Louie? It's Clopin. Bring over some stuff. I got a need for weed." He chuckled darkly.

French translations—

_Mon Cherie—Darling_

_Je vois—I see_

_Mon Ami—my friend_

_Non—No_

_petite fille—little girl_

_plus Cher—Dearest_

_Fantastique—fantastic_

_Merveilleux—Wonderful_

_Ma Cher—my dear_

_Le probleme est—the problem is _

_Oui—Yes_

_Je refuse- I refuse_

_Bien—good_

_Pour quoi—why_

_Sorry if my French isn't right, I used Google translate. I think it's alright, but I don't know. Rate and review _

_XOXO-- pinkky_


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Ok so I got 3 reviews, all good (yay!) and it seemed like people liked it, which made me feel really cool hahaha. So I decided to continue it. There's not as much French, but still translations are at the bottom. I might go on, if people want me to and if I can come up with an event to happen next. Yeah so here it is, I hope you guys like it!_

_XOXOXO-Pinkky_

_DISCLAIMER- I don't own any of the characters_

* * *

Esmeralda tapped her fingers against the glass table. She looked over at the clock. 1:15. Clopin was late. Not that that was any surprise. Phoebus would come in only 5 short minutes. Calming thoughts of Clopin deciding that her happiness was more important that his quest to defy society and not coming at all filled her head. That of course meant she had just wasted 20 minutes, but what did it really matter. She looked over at the clock again. 1:17. she let out a great sigh, and that's when she spotted it. A bright yellow 1983 Volkswagen rabbit. Clopin's car. He had somehow managed to get it for only $700 when he was 17.

" Please don't be him please don't be him" She chanted quietly to herself. Sure enough it was Clopin who got out of the car and waved to her. Still wearing the same purple shirt he had this morning, she could see him erupt in giggles as she waved back slowly. What was so funny? As he walked toward her, she was starting to see how red and puffy his eyes were. Then she started to smell a very distinct smell. She hit her head against her palm. This was not going to go smoothly. Why did her cousin all ways have to smell like a substance?

"Hey E" He started giggling again

"_Ce que l'enfer Clopin_? I told you I'm seeing a cop, and your first instinct was to go get high?" she almost yelled slapping her fist against the table, which of course made him start laughing again.

"Do you think, if you crossed a bird and a person, you would get a dude with wings?." He said totally disregarding her last comment, examining a pigeon who was perched on the nearby empty table. Esmeralda sighed. He really did want to ruin any possible chance she had with this guy.

" Esmeralda?" She heard a masculine voice behind her.

" Phoebus?" she managed to squeak out. His timing was just perfect wasn't it? She slowly turned around to see the man with the shaggy blond hair who towered about two or three inches above her. He was going to hate her after this. Somehow she managed to smile, though she could tell Phoebus wasn't convinced. Never the less he offered up a little grin.

"Um, Esmeralda? Is this guy bothering you?" he looked over at Clopin, who was now trying to contain his laughter as he made insulting gestures at the pigeon. Phoebus leaned in to whisper something in her ear, " I'm off duty, but I could still whip out my badge to scare this guy off." There was something completely seductive about his voice that made Esmeralda bite her lip even though he was offering to arrest her cousin for her.

" Ah, no, thanks though. You see, Phoebus, he's, um he's my cousin." Phoebus looked at her wide eyed, then looked back at Clopin murmuring something to himself. " Clopin? Um there's someone I want you to meet. Clopin, this is Phoebus. Clopin Phoebus, Phoebus Clopin."

" Nice to meet you." Phoebus held out his hand for Clopin to shake, but Clopin had other ideas. He grabbed Phoebus by the hand and led him to the pigeon who oddly enough was still sitting there peacefully as if there hadn't been a lunatic harassing it only moments before.

"Bite it." He instructed the pigeon holding out Phoebus' hand. Esmeralda watched Phoebus' expression change from curious, to distressed, to angry in about 10 seconds. "It's an old gypsy ritual for good luck. Clopin explained to Phoebus who had taken his hand back so quickly that Clopin was still holding out his hands as if Phoebus' hand was still there.

"Good luck?" Phoebus asked quizzically

"Yes. Good luck. You'll need it" Clopin grinned deviously. His smile faded quickly as he looked off into the distance. " How would you explain what red is to a blind person?" he asked cocking his head to the side

"_Mon Dieu_" Esmeralda mumbled under her breath as she buried her face in her hand. Suddenly an idea popped into her head. Oh what a brilliant idea! "Excuse me, I'm just going to run to the ladies room for a minute. Clopin, you know what to order me right?" She said getting out of her chair and glancing over at Clopin who was absorbed in looking at his own reflection in the spoon grinning at its distortion. He looked up

" Right-o!" His grin widened and he put his thumb up. She knew it wasn't the best idea to leave Clopin and Phoebus alone, but she had to in order to call one of Clopin's friends to pick him up without him noticing and without seeming rude.

* * *

Phoebus cleared his throat, something he did out of nervousness. He was a little less than comfortable to be left alone with Esmeralda's insane cousin. " So, um Clopin, what do you do for a living? Esmeralda said you're going to help her out with going to dance school?" Clopin looked up and scowled stabbing the fork into the table.

"I have ways of getting money." He snarled, narrowing his eyes, giving Phoebus a type of look that made him have to really try to resist the impulse to run away. Clopin was defiantly not a man you would want to meet in a dark alley at night. Catching another whiff of the distinct smell of marijuana as Clopin leaned in a little more, Phoebus understood what he meant. He tapped his index finger on the table as the waitress brought him his ice coffee, Esmeralda's ice tea and Clopin's… whatever it was that he was drinking. It wouldn't surprise him if he had convinced the waitress to bring him some kind of liquor. But now that Phoebus thought about it, there wouldn't be liquor in a coffee shop, and it would appear thinner. What Clopin was sipping was thick and a dark green. Whatever it was, there was no doubt in Phoebus' mind that it was full of caffeine. When he looked up from Clopin's drink, back to Clopin's face, Clopin was still giving him a dirty look that made Phoebus shiver a little.

" You are a lucky man to have a date with my cousin, Phoebus. _Beaucoup de chance. _I know you're not very fond of me, but really I am who you should thank for this date. You see, little Esme doesn't go out with _anyone_ before consulting me. I am the one who told her to say yes." Clopin said in a rather low voice. Phoebus couldn't tell if he was telling the truth or not, but it didn't really matter. Either way if would have not been justified if he strangled Esmeralda's cousin out of sheer annoyance with him. "Now listen closely _personne blonde_, you will ask her on a second date. Do you know why? Because, despite what I think of you, she likes you quite a bit and for some reason is very keen on making a good impression upon you. If you ask her out again, she will feel accomplished. If you don't, she will be disappointed. And you wouldn't want to see a tear fall on that_ joli visage_ of hers would you." Phoebus shook his head slowly. He didn't understand French, but he knew this was meant to be a threat. " Good. Neither would I." Clopin nodded. Phoebus could hardly believe that this was the same man that a mere oh 10 minutes ago was laughing at his reflection in a spoon.

" And if I don't ask her out?" Phoebus wasn't actually planning on taking that chance, but curiosity got the best of him. Clopin shrugged

" If you don't want to be with Esmeralda, then maybe you can meet a few of my friends. Though I must warn you, they can be a little… violent." He smirked. Phoebus looked around anxiously. Where was Esmeralda? She had been gone- he looked down at his watch- a full 13 minutes now! Just as his thoughts were drifting into what could have happened ( she went out the back door and left him with the mad man, she slipped and hit her head on the counter and was now unconscious, she was mugged, etc) she came back into eyesight. Grinning brighter than ever she walked back to the table and drank her ice tea in the most causal way.

" Did you two get to know each other a little better?" she smiled. Clopin smirked a little and Phoebus shook his head a little.

* * *

Phoebus looked scared. He was looking around with an expression that said 'help me, this lunatic is going to kill me'. Esmeralda sighed. He seemed to calm down when he saw Esmeralda stepping out of the ladies room. Michael said he'd be here in 5 minutes to get Clopin, which made her relaxed a little bit. It would be a miracle if he asked her for another date.

" Did you two get to know each other a little better?" she smiled. Clopin smirked a little and Phoebus shook his head a little. 'Oh no' Esmeralda thought as her smile turned into a little frown, ' he did threaten Phoebus.'. A blanket of awkwardness spread across the table. Then Esmeralda saw her salvation. Michael walking towards them.

"Hey Clopin, look there's Michael!" Esmeralda said pointing. Clopin immediately sprung up to go greet the other man

"_Mon Ami!_" He cried hugging Michael.

"Clopin! What a surprise! Hey I'm going to meet some girl and her friend, want to come?" Michal said holding his arms out in a questioning way. Perfect. Clopin would never resist meeting a girl. Though Esmeralda knew it was a lie, because she had specifically told him to bring Clopin home, Michael was pretty convincing. Convincing enough that Clopin should believe him

" _Pas merci_, I've got my own tea party right here." Clopin winked. No! This was not part of the plan! Esmeralda grinded her teeth. She was going to have to intervene.

"Clopin you should go, it'll be fun. Besides you said you wanted to meet Phoebus. And you did. So go! Have fun!" Esmeralda said, making a shooing motion with her hands. Clopin nodded, as if agreeing

"You're right! Michael, I'm coming. See you two later." He smiled widely waving as he started walking in the direction that Michael had originally been going.

"Clopin! Your Car! Don't forget it again!" It had happened once too many times that Clopin had gone somewhere, gotten distracted, forgotten his car there, then Esmeralda would have to drive him back so he could get it.

"Right! Michael follow me!" He said switching directions and heading towards his car. Esmeralda shook her head. No matter how psychotic he got, she loved her cousin. She turned her attention back to Phoebus. Finally she was alone with him!

" I'm really sorry he had to tag along." She frowned once Clopin and Michael had made it to the car.

"It's no problem really. The only thing was, well, this is going to sound a little strange, but was he high?" Esmeralda felt her face fill with very uncomfortable warmth. She had thought it wasn't really that noticeable anymore, but she guessed it was the smell that gave him away.

"He's , ah, a little eccentric." Esmeralda nodded, avoiding the question. Suddenly Phoebus' face lit up, as if he remembered something.

"Esmeralda? Well I know this part usually comes at the end of the date, but I'm going to jump three spaces past go. I wanted to know if you would want to go out again. Maybe Saturday?" Esmeralda could hardly believe her ears. He wanted a second date. This was unbelievable! He must be truly crazy. Maybe even as crazy as Clopin. Hopefully not

" Um yeah sure, I would like that. I can call you for details, like place and time." She nodded. Phoebus smiled. It must have been something Clopin said to him. Maybe bringing him wasn't such a mistake after all. Maybe he was part of the so called 'miracle workers' for a reason. He really made impossible hopes come true. Miracles.

_A/n- ok so what did you guys think? It's a little shorter than the last one. The translations ( if you need them) are here, so yeah. I don't know if they're right, I got it from google translate. Is you speak French and see something wrong, please tell me! Ok I think that's it. Reviews are appreciated!_

_XOXOXOX- Pinkky_

_Ce que l'enfer—What the hell_

_Mon Dieu—my god_

_Beaucoup de chance—very lucky_

_personne blonde—blonde person_

_joli visage—pretty face_

_Mon Ami—my friend_

_Pas merci—no thanks_


End file.
